Die reisjare van Poppetjie Mabalel

Hate Me - Blue October

2008-04-08T09:35:00.004+02:00

I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

I'm sober now for 3 whole months
It's one accomplishment that you helped me with.
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate.
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

Waiting...

2008-02-12T09:17:00.000+02:00

Toe ek nie meer raad geweet het... - Elisabeth Eybers

2007-11-23T20:26:00.000+02:00

Toe ek nie meer raad geweet het met my hart

wat bang-alleen tussen mense gaan,

en tot die aand die bly herinnering dra

wanneer ek één ontmoet het wat verstaan,

toe was jou warm stem en oë soos dié

waarvan ‘n mens somtyds mag droom… en ek

het willoos-kalm jou laat begaan, toe jy

die digte sluier van my siel wegtrek.

Jy het, sonder jammerklag of walging, daar

verminkte lyke van vertroue en hoop

gevind, en oor die ope wonde toe

die olie van jou liefde sag laat loop…

What I need... (updated version)

2007-11-12T20:13:00.001+02:00

What I need...

I need a massage
I need a holiday
I need an interesting job
I need to finish my studies soon
I need to meet the endless deadlines
I need money
I need a one-way ticket to London or anywhere else in the world
I need a social life
I need energy
I need to know there are people who really care about me
I need to know the meaning of all this mindless boredom in my life
I need to get my appetite back
I need to drink less coffee
I need to quit some bad habits
I need to get a grip on my life
I need to think about next year
I need more sleep

I just need to get away...

Seems like nothing much has changed since March 2006...

Your Ghost

2007-10-11T00:19:00.000+02:00

Your Ghost – Kristin Hersh

If I walk down this hallway

Tonight it's too quiet

So I pad through the dark

And call you on the phone

Push your old numbers

And let your house ring

'Till I wake your ghost

Let him walk down your hallway

It's not this quiet

Slide down your receiver

Sprint across the wire

Follow my number

Slide into my hand

It's the blaze across my nightgown

It's the phone's ring

I think last night

you were driving circles around me

I can't drink this coffee

Till I put you in my closet

Let him shoot me down

Let him call me off

I take it from his whisper

You're not that tough

It's the blaze across my nightgown

It's the phone's ring

You were in my dream (I think last night)

You were driving circles around me

Hand in my pocket - Alanis Morissette

2007-10-06T18:48:00.000+02:00

I’m broke but I’m happy

I’m poor but I’m kind

I’m short but I’m healthy, yeah

I’m high but grounded

I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed

I’m lost but I’m hopeful, baby

And what it all comes down to

Is that everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine

Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket

And the other one’s giving a high five

I feel drunk but I’m sober

I’m young and I’m underpaid

I’m tired but I’m working, yeah

I care but I’m restless

I’m here but I’m really gone

I’m wrong and I’m sorry, baby

And what it all comes down to

Is that everything’s gonna be quite all right

Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket

And the other one’s flicking a cigarette

And what it all comes down to

Is that I haven’t gotten it all figured out just yet

Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket

And the other one’s giving a peace sign

I’m free but I’m focused

I’m green but I’m wise

I’m hard but I’m friendly, baby

I’m sad but I’m laughing

I’m brave but I’m chicken shit

I’m sick but I’m pretty, baby

And what it all boils down to

Is that no one’s gonna figure it out just yet

Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket

And the other one’s playing a piano

And what it all comes down to

Is that everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine

Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket

And the other one’s hailing a taxi cab

Some random philosophical thoughts I've been having

2007-09-23T13:41:00.000+02:00

Life is an endless deja vu feeling (sometimes it is a good feeling, and sometimes bad).

Don't deny yourself the opportunity to love and be loved, just because of some bad experiences that cloud your past, or because of possible bad experiences in future.

There are different kinds of relationships and different kinds of love. It all depends on the situation and the people involved. But having someone you care about in your life in a limited way, is far better than not having them in your life at all.

Understand that you cannot begin to make someone else happy, or expect someone to make YOU happy, it you don't want to be happy yourself.

Everyone deserves TRUE happiness, it is not something that is only destined for some people. People just sometimes let the happiness meant for them, pass them by.

There is an endless difference between truly living, and merely "existing".

You have to take control of your life, and decide what makes YOU happy. Remember that even though other people are really important to you, there should be no reason to neglect your own needs.

Mood update...

2007-08-08T13:29:00.000+02:00

When they are alone they want to be with others, and when they are with others they want to be alone. After all, human beings are like that. - Gertrude Stein

That is exactly how I feel at the moment. I love people and being with people, but sometimes I just need a bit of time out... So I booked myself a room in Dullstroom for the long weekend. Which means I get out of the city for the first time in about two years. Which is great. And I get to take pictures again. Which is awesome. But it also means that I'll be doing everything alone, not even having someone to take a pic of me standing somewhere amazing. Don't get me wrong, its not a case of I can't stand being alone or I don't like my own company. No.

The real problem is (and I only really realized it recently) that even though I move between people everyday and even talk to some of them, I had a long year so far feeling "alone in the crowd". Thus, I don't really need to skip town to have "me time", if you know what I mean. I suppose it is because I left so many good friends behind in the UK, because I lost so many supposedly good friends in SA just because of my absence, and that I rarely meet new people these days. Therefore I have hundreds of acquaintances, but the people I can REALLY talk to, the way I like to and about things that are important to me and to them, I can count on one hand. And they have their own lives to keep them busy. Like I once mentioned earlier, I am a social butterfly with broken wings.

This is not the full extent of what is on my mind. My mind being one of the problems, in the sense that I will have way too much time to reflect on times and situations long gone, but which is still lodged in my heart. Which is not good, because it is not like I ever find any explanation or reconciliation in these thoughts. It just makes me miss people I shouldn't, for my own sake, miss; and worry about things that shouldn't trouble my mind. And then there is the fact that I suffer from extreme physical-touch deprivation. By that I only mean I don't get enough, if any, hugs these days. And definately not the amount a "contact type" person strictly needs to survive...

Sigh.

The pieces of my heart

2007-07-12T13:56:00.000+02:00

Every time someone special leaves my life or break my heart, they take a piece of my heart, my soul... with them. Which means I am slowly dying emotionally...

The problem is: I don't know how many pieces are missing, and how many pieces are still left for the taking...

How many pieces can you loose before its just too much??

How we met...

2007-05-24T08:05:00.001+02:00

Hmmm, I don't agree with everything!

2007-04-27T21:36:00.000+02:00

Madeleine, your Personality Summary

Key Areas of your Personality

Your personality stands out from the average person's particularly in the areas of:
Your High Curiosity Level
Your Low Emotional Reactivity Level
Your High Multi-tasking Ability
Your High Need for Variety
Your High Empathy/ Sensitivity Level

Your Interaction Style:

You scored 80 in the area of extroversion/ introversion, which means that your energy is directed primarily outward - towards other people and things- rather than inward. You gain energy, rather than lose energy, by moving and interacting. It is essential that your work environment matches your extroversion/ introversion tendency, otherwise you won't feel happy.
Social patterns: You are left-brained when it comes to interacting with people and recognizing emotions in other people.
What does this mean? Since there is a 'cross-over' in the human brain for visual information, it means that you tend to focus on the right side of a person's face when you want to figure out what they are thinking and feeling. This is a unique way of viewing the world. You are likely to be sensitive to 'micro-expressions' - the tiny movements of the muscles in the face that occur, for example, when someone is telling a lie.
Hearing preferences are an interesting exception to this left-right crossover. For example, if two people were talking behind a closed door and you needed to put your ear on the door to hear, you would tend to use your left ear instead of your right.

Ek kan nie meer onthou nie - Stephan Bouwer

2007-04-27T14:38:00.000+02:00

Vanaand
na al die maande
weet ek dat ek jou vergeet het
is ek weer vry

ek kan nie meer jou bruin oe onthou nie
ek kan nie meer jou swart hare
en al die krulletjies op jou voorkop onthou nie
ek kan nie meer die twintig lagplooitjies
om jou oe onthou nie
ek kan nie eers meer die vlekkie
op jou maag onthou nie

weet jy
ek kan niks meer onthou nie

Some of my all-time favourite quotes from similarly favourite books....

2007-04-27T14:19:00.000+02:00

"If people wanted to go around teaching people lessons, other people should remember that those people know a thing or two about people." Maskarade - Terry Pratchett

"It was funny how people were people everywhere you went, even if the people concerned weren't the people the people who made up the phrase 'people are people everywhere' had traditionally thouht of as people." The Fifth Elephant - Terry Pratchett

"It's just that I'm happy now, and I guess that's how we judge a place, isn't it? Not for what it is, but for what we are when we live there." Sarah's Window - Janice Graham

"I sometimes thought about how we'd be together, if he came back from some other part of the universe. A whole continent of me was washed away when he died, I wasn't sure he'd recognise what got left behind as being his home planet." Fly Away Peter - Stevie Morgan

"It occured to Agnes... that if you spent much time in the same room as Christine you'd need to open a window to stop from drowning in punctuation." Maskarade - Terry Pratchett

"If you dipped Angie into a reservoir it would turn yellow and poison many cities." Every Woman for Herself - Trisha Ashley

Oor die liefde

2007-04-19T13:54:00.000+02:00

As ek my vreemde liefde bloot moes le,
Wat sou die vrome skenders van die skoonheid se?
Sou hul, met heilige voreontwaardiging,
Besoedelende vingers God-waarts steek,
En na die self-regverdigende reiniging
Hul eer na my kom wreek?
Of sou 'n sprank van hierdie vuur wat in my gloei
Ook hulle aanraak, sodat hul verstaan
Die liefde neem 'n duisend vorme aan?

VIII
Ek het my aan jou oorgegee
So onvoorwaardelik, dat ek soms vrees
Vernietiging is al wat daar uiteindelik
Vir my kan wees;
Want voorheen kon ek in die fluistering
Van die wind en water ander dinge hoor:
Nou het my siel in stille mymering
Sy krag verloor.
Dis jy wat tot my fluister in die bome
En aangesweef kom op die wind;
En slegs in jou, verheerlik deur my drome,
Kan ek myself weer vind.

- I.D. du Plessis

If you haven't realized from my previous few posts...

2007-04-18T19:01:00.000+02:00

... I'm at a difficult point in my life. I wish I could stop the bus, get off, and head back in the other direction. This is just getting too much for me. I never thought anything like this would happen to me. Thought I would be immune to something like this. But I fell, and I fell hard. Harder than I ever had before.

I don't want my life to be like this. But unfortunately it already is. And I'm trying to change it, trying to forget... but I can't. I really tried. I did my best to forget for the past three months. But if anything, its even worse now than it was before. These feelings that I can't keep to myself anymore, and can't share.

Only two people except me knows what this is really all about. One being the person caught up in this mess with me, and the other one a friend who went through something similar recently. I wish I could speak about it. But nobody would understand. I know that much.

The worst is that I didn't ask for this to happen. Honestly. Although I realize I'm not blameless. Can I blame fate for this? Or do I have to accept full responsibility for something I feel I have no control over? Or do have to blame "the other person" in this situation?

But then I realize something shocking: I don't want to blame anyone. I don't want this to be wrong, or to let it make me feel this way. I want it to work out, to turn out differently than it already did. But it can't. It just can't. Never.

How do you forget? How do you move on? How do you stop caring?

James Kavanaugh

2007-04-17T20:19:00.000+02:00

We should have met sooner

We should have met sooner
Before the others came along
To scar you and bind you
To tie you with responsibilities
Before the wind was out of your hair.

We should have met sooner
Before mortgages and children
To hold you and chain you
To smother you with demands
Before the wind was out of your hair.

We should have met sooner
And held off the world for a while,
To have time only for each other,
To escape the numbered days and nights
Before the sun was out of your eyes.

Now we must be gypsies in the suburbs,
Nomands in the city park,
Vagabonds with only weekends,
Dreamers who must sleep before the dawn,
Lovers with one eye on the clock.

We should have met sooner
Before the sun was out of your eyes.
Before the wind was out of your hair.

Sunshine Days and Foggy Nights

I was born to catch dragons in their dens
And pick flowers
To tell tales and laugh away the morning
To drift and dream like a lazy stream
And walk barefoot across sunshine days.

I was born to find goblins in their caves
And chase moonlight
To see shadows and seek hidden rivers
To hear the rain fall on dry leaves
And chat a bit with death across foggy nights.

I was born to rub my hands in dirt
And walk green hills
To plant corn and make bread
To build a house strong against the wind
And to live free across sunshine days.

I was born to watch owls in dark forests
And hear coyotes cry
To feel trees tremble and the grass sleep
To taste cold air and smell the damp earth
And watch ghostly shapes disappear across foggy nights.

I was born to love a man wrapped in sunshine
And dressed in fog
To make a pact on a high hill
Ratified centuries ago by the sun
To walk together through sunshine days and foggy nights.

I laugh and cry with the same eyes

I laugh and cry with the same eyes,
Love and hate with the same heart.
I feel my rage and my gentleness,
My sanity and suicide.
When I hide my anger, my joy doesn't seem real.
When I hide my fear, my strength is a fraud.
If I only laugh, I leave no place for your pain.
If I only shout, I leave no place for your tenderness.
I want to be all of myself,
So you can be all of yourself,
And together we can be whole.

This is whats on my mind...

2007-04-16T18:37:00.000+02:00

Where would we be now? - Good Charlotte

I smile, you laugh, I look away
I sigh, you ask me way, I say
Its OK and I'm just feelin' down
Your hand on mine I hear the words
If only love has found us first,
Our lives then would be different, oh
So I stand and wait, I am just a woman, oh

Where would we be now baby,
If we found eachother first
Where would we be now baby

And now I must confess
That I am a sinking ship
And I'm anchored by the weight of my heart
Cause its filled with these feelings
But I keep my true thoughts locked, beside my heart's black box
And it won't be found, it won't survive through the smoke or the wreckage
So I crash and burn, I have a lot of things to learn, oh

Where would we be now baby,
If we found eachother first
What would you do now darling,
If I say these simple words
I'll wait, I'll wait
As long as you want
But where would we be now baby

I'll wait, I'll wait

Where would we be now baby,
If we found eachother first
What would you do now darling,
If I say these simple words
I'll wait, I'll wait
As long as you want
But where would you be now baby
I'll wait, I'll wait, I'll wait, I'll wait

Weens gebrek aan enige eie kreatiewe gedagtes... Hier is 'n paar quotes

2007-04-14T18:56:00.000+02:00

Mistakes are almost always of a sacred nature. Never try to correct them - On the contrary: rationalize them, understand them thoroughly - After that, it will be possible for you to sublimate them.
- Salvador Dali

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;
- Alexander Pope, "Eloisa to Abelard"

What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil.
- Friedrich Nietzsche, Beyond Good and Evil, Aphorism 153

Ek wens ek was...

2007-04-13T15:22:00.000+02:00

... ver weg van al die aardse probleme en gemors en hartseer. Ek wens ek kon iewers in die ruimte dryf. En vergeet.

The worst feeling in the world...

2007-04-12T17:55:00.000+02:00

... To love someone you can never ever have. And you both know it but wish it wasn't so. Why oh why?

Feels like I never left...

2007-03-30T22:27:00.000+02:00

I'm back in the UK for a (according to me) well-deserved holiday. Spent two wonderful days in London doing a lot of things I always wanted to, but never got around to doing, like "flying" the London Eye, taking pictures of it by night, walking in Hyde Park and shopping (too much!) in Oxford Street. Tomorrow I'm going to Bristol by coach, to spend two more wonderful week with all my friends there. Hopefully will also have time to go to a few other places like Cardiff, etc....

I AM HAVING A WHALE OF A TIME!!!!!!!!!

What I need...

2007-03-18T00:59:00.000+02:00

What I need...

I need a massage
I need a holiday
I need an interesting job
I need studies that are worthwhile
I need to meet the endless deadlines
I need money
I need ticket to London
I need a social life
I need energy
I need to know there are people who really care about me
I need to know the meaning of all this mindless boredom in my life
I need to get my appetite back
I need to drink less coffee
I need to quit some bad habits
I need to get a grip on my life
I need to think about next year
I need more sleep
I just need to get away....

Why I was so quiet...

2007-03-18T00:13:00.000+02:00

Well, here I am 'back home', although it doesn't feel so normal anymore! Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of reasons why I'm glad to be back in SA, the biggest one being, having the privilege to share a house with my two best friends here, Adam and Andries. But apart from that, I really can't say that life is really grand at the moment. I miss England and my friends there terribly. I miss the freedom and total independence. I miss my job that I loved regardless of the amount of stress it caused. I even miss the bloody misirable british weather!!!!

The fact of the matter is that I, like expected, changed a lot while living in a different country, and on this side all my friends went through different situations. Before I left I was able to have a 21st birthday party with 50 friends that I considered to be more than just acquaintances. Now all but a few has moved away, or finished their studies, or got a full-time job somewhere, or started with different studies... and I'm left feeling very alone. All of my so-called friends where so keen on my return, and now that I'm here I barely see anyone except my housemates! And I need people. Lots of people. I am a social butterfly... with broken wings. To top it all, some of the friends I considered being my best friends, found the love of their lives during my year abroad, and consequently only have time for their boyfriends. And I am, regrettably, single. And I can't imagine where I will meet a nice guy in the near future...

I am currently studying post-grad at the Uni, sitting in a class with about fifteen people or less twice a week. I know about 3 people from my undergraduate studies, but nobody that I would ever consider a good friend. The rest of the people are adults doing a part-time course, or students younger than me who got their degree last year. Therefore, my studies are boring me to death at the moment. Two subjects with irregular assignments are not much of a challenge. And me being the way I am, I'm already losing interest and becoming oh so bored. My days I spend doing the most boring job my mind can get around: a PA at an engineering firm. A proper office job. Regular hours, and regular pay (the regular and quite good pay IS nice, but not enough t contemplate for the fact that my brain is slowly but surely dying of total boredom and misuse). I am not, and never where, made to work in an office. Getting up at 6:30 every morning and doing the same mundane work for 8 long hours each day, and returning home feeling like an easter egg: hollow. Not having the energy to do anything other than fall down on the couch and watch crap on tv until dinnertime, reading a bit and then falling asleep, only to do the same thing again tomorrow. I know some people love routine and such things, good for them, but I am not one of those people. And I can't follow my mother's advice: 'just think aboutthe money'. Because, frankly, I couldn't bother about the money. Yes, I know I need money, and lots of it, to survive, but I find that money simply cannot turn into an issue in my life. Money, even good money, can't take the fact that my heart and soul is so terribly unhappy away.

I also know all about 'mind over matter' and not letting a situation getting you down, and I always managed to do it throughout the years I've been working in the catering business, but that is only because I actually LIKED what I was doing, even though it got really stressful and frustrating sometimes. But this time I'm unable to see the silver lining. I only see a small little twinkle now and again, but that is barely enough to get me out of bed each morning.

It boils down to this: my life is not at all what I wanted it to be this year, and about twenty times worse than I feared it would be. I am bored out of my mind. Unmotivated, depressed and lonely... and I desperately want to return to England....

Oor tyd en afskeid neem...

2007-01-13T03:53:00.000+02:00

Ek begin afskeid neem van Engeland en al my maatjies hier, en dis hel moeilik!!!!!!!!!!!

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Man's feelings are always purest and most glowing in the hour of meeting and of farewell. ~Jean Paul Richter

Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetime, is certain for those who are friends. ~Richard Bach

Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos. ~Charles M. Schulz

Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes. ~Henry David Thoreau

EK HAAT AFKSEID NEEM!!!!!

'n Eerste keer vir alles...

2006-12-19T03:28:00.000+02:00

'Hulle' se daar is 'n eerste keer vir alles. Vanaand is dit weer bevestig. Ek het na 'n laaaang dag op my voete by die werk (12 ure!!) besluit om saam met my werk-buddies oor te stap na ons hotel se pub, die BLACK SHEEP, net om gou vir 'n ander buddy, Ryan, hallo te se, en dan soos goeie mense huis en bed toe te gaan. Daar aangekom was daar 'n privaat funksie aan die gang: een van ons geliefde regulars, Mr. Williams, wat 'n afskeidspartytjie hou vir 'n kollega wat binnekort aftree. Mr. Williams nooi ons toe ewe vriendelik vir 'n drink of twee, en ons besluit om te bly. Ek bedoel, why not, hy betaal en 'n pint Carlsberg sal nou regtig nie sleg afgaan nie.

Enigste snag was die karaoke. Ek is 'n sucker vir karaoke. Let wel, ek het dit nog net een keer gedoen, saam met twee pelle in Hatfield, halfpad besope. So toe besluit ek en Ashley ons sing nou wel nie alleen nie, maar ons sien kans vir Grease se 'Summer Nights' so saam-saam. Wat ons toe sing, en kry 'n groot applous (nie omdat ons noodwendig so great was nie, maar net soveel beter as die res van die mense wat vroeer gesing het, byvoorbeeld Tim die Bar Manager... ek het hom eerlikwaar gese: "Tim, don't quite your day job!" en hy het saamgestem). Ok, toe oorreed ek vir Dhevan om saam met my Ben E. King se STAND BY ME te sing, weer nogal nie te sleg nie, alhoewel Dhevan baie soos Tim sing... En toe het ek al twee Pints Carlsberg agter die blad op 'n nugter maag, en Mr. Williams cheer en moedig ons aan... So toe besluit ek... Wel, eks eintlik deep down inside moerse skaam, maar die bier help beslis, en ek dink dat Sarah McLachlan se ANGEL een van DIE mooiste songs ooit is, en vra toe vir Mr. Williams hoeveel hy my dare om alleen te sing, considering ekt nog NOOIT ge-Solo nie. Hy se toe tien pond, of twintig as dit regtig goed is. Ek besluit toe what the hell en stap net daar en dan na die DJ en se ek gaan sing. En daar staan ek toe alleen voor al daai mense. En vir die eerste keer in my 22 jaar op aarde nie skaam om alleen daar te staan nie. En ek begin sing, en die mense raak stil. En ek sing verder en die mense maak die ander wat nog probeer praat stil. En ek het nie 'n clue of ek op die noot is nie, maar dit klink vir my moerse goed, so ek is seker nie te erg off-key nie. En toe die liedjie klaar maak is daar so paar sekondes stilte, en toe applous en wolwefluite en mense wat my hande skud... Sug, ek het my paar minute in die Limelight gehad, en boonop twintig pond gekry om een van my favourite songs te sing! Wow. Wat 'n aand... En om te dink ek wou net huis toe gaan en in my kamer sit...

Weet tot nou toe nie waar ek die skielike moed vandaan gekry net nie (moet seker maar die Carlsberg gewees het...) Maar dit was die eerste keer wat ek nie uitgefreak het voor 'n gehoor nie (en ek WEET daarvan... baie jare se (mislukte) klavier optredes wat getuig daarvan...) en dit het great gevoel. Ek gaan sommer een van die dae weer 'n plek soek om te Karaoke!

My most eventful off day in a looooong time...

2006-12-12T06:50:00.000+02:00

Sunday was my only off day last week. Ryan and I decided to go and do a bit of Christmas shopping. So after I slept about 5 hours (because I can't fall asleep at 'normal' times these days) he woke me up at 12 and we set off to the Filton Abbey Wood Retail Park. I bought a few Christmas presents and a load of Christmas cards, and started looking for an outfit for our annual staff party in January, but was unable to find anything I liked even though (or maybe because) the Christmas specials are currently all over the place. And then I got bored because Ryan buys more clothes than any female I know, and takes a long time! ;-)

So very hungry (I didn't have anything to eat yet) and in desperate need of a cup of coffee, we headed to the Bradley Stoke Pub close to our house (we fondly call it the 'Sadley Broke') got ourselfs a pint and ordered a meal. I couldn't even finish half of my steak, mainly because I ate way too much garlic bread. Then I got an invite to go for coffee at my new SA friends who live closeby, so I first went to Tesco to buy a few vital things, went home to drop it off, and then spent an hour chatting in my own beloved language with people who are the same as me (we all know the rednecks are a bit weird!). I lost track of the time and got a call from Rodwill who was waiting on the bus stop for me, because a group of us from work decided to go ice skating. Goodness knows why they decided to only meet up at the icerink at 8:30, but oh well. So we spent a cold and wet half hour waiting for the bus, and then another 45mins on a bus full of loud teenage girls going downtown for the night. Now, I must confess that for some reason I NEVER EVER went ice skating before, so I was quite nervous. Got on the ice, and had a few tips from Tony (the cute Irish guy) and he took me on my first round. Then I was left on my own and had to get the hang of it quickly. And hey, I have to say I was pretty good!! Only stayed near the side for about 15mins and then managed to slowly but surely skate around the rink. Didn't try too much speed though, and constantly had to dodge the pros wizzing past me. I only fell twice (when I tried to go too fast) and therefore have a bruised butt today. And muscles in agony!

Well, we stayed there for about two hours and I was ready to go home, but everybody was heading for Bristol's nightlife and they said I'm leaving soon, I shoudn't be so anti-social. So we started out at the Australian pub Walkabout, had a drink or two and then headed for Syndicate. Walking in the rain to get there, I must add. In Syndicate we found all the other people that didn't go ice skating. So we were happily drinking and dancing (and for once I actually enjoyed it, maybe because of the stress of the last few weeks that I just let go then) and rapidly getting sloshed. We were the talk of the hotel today, as a lot of us in our drunken states hit it off with our collegues... uhm... including me... So therefore I got a nice snog from a polish guy called Kacper... uhmmmmm yes, I blame the alcohol.

One of our friends, Toni, joined us after work, around midnight. Two hours later she was lying paralized on the bathroom floor because she got a spiked drink from a strange guy. Our night suddenly went crazy. The bouncer had to carry her outside and we called an ambulance. Somehow her state and the fact that everybody tried to help and thought they knew better than the others, some of these supposidly good friends started screaming and cursing eachother. The ambulance arrived and suddenly everybody was very eager to bundle into the closest taxi and head home. I then offered to go with her to the hospital. If she had to stay overnight I would have had to get a cab back home alone (very expensive!) or if not she had someone with her to take her home. By the time the ambulance left everybody had disappeared, not worrying about what happened to me or Toni. By half two we reached the hospital and they told me to wait in the reception area, they will call me when I can see her. 45 Minutes later I was still waiting and when I finally saw someone again at reception, asked them what was going on. They said very matter-of-factly I can go through now and see her...just to find out they told HER that nobody was there for her! They put her on a drip and said when it was finished we can go home. So there I sat, dead tired and the drunkest I've been in months, waiting for Toni to be sent home. We finally got out around five, and got a taxi to take us to my house, as she couldn't go to her home alone. Managed to get in bed around six.

I was supposed to start work at 12, but you can imagine what I felt like when I woke up at 11. So Toni insisted to call our boss and explain that I was the only one who stayed with her and she won't allow me to work a 12 hour shift in my state. Thank goodness for that!

This Sunday didn't turn out exatly as chill as I wanted it to, but it sure was eventful and very memorable... Sure is different than just relaxing at home on an off day!!!

My song of the week

2006-12-12T06:46:00.000+02:00

I decided my favourite song for this week is "True Colours" by Cyndi Lauper. Just because it is one of my "memory songs" of England and suite my current state of mind. I slowly have to start saying goodbye to the place that was my home for more than a year...

Do you have a role model?

2006-12-10T06:29:00.000+02:00

I thought it would be interesting to hear what people have to say about role models. Do you have one, who is he/she, what part do they play in your life, etc...

I was chatting with Adam on Skype the other day, and I said something about my role model. Now, I never previously in my life had a role model, esp. not a celebrity, but I came to realize this year that I have found a role model.

My role model is my boss, Chris Mariette, at the Aztec Hotel in Bristol. He is not just a role model, but a valued friend. He's the most motivated and dedicated person I know. He followed and accomplished the big dreams he had even though his circumstances was anything but easy. He has REAL passion for his job and life, something you sadly don't see in enough people these days. Even with the horrible hours he works and the fact that he has three young kids and a wife to keep him busy away from work, he always manages to keep a (sincere) smile on his face and always have something positive to say to someone. He really cares about people. This year he was my pillar of strength, supporting me while my friends and family were far away. He is always ready to be a sympathetic listener, advice giver and shoulder to cry on. And I know he really believes in me and my dreams. We had endless discussions about our (very similar) passions in life, including catering, people, music and photography. I learnt so much from him during this year; how your attitude determines your own happiness, how to be passionate about your job and give your everything, and how to be an 'actor' on the stage of life (even when your heart might be crying inside). Although there are a lot of situations and people that played an important part in my life during my time in England and had some kind of effect in my life, he was and always will be the most significant.

Quote of the day...

2006-12-10T06:11:00.000+02:00

"I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might-have-been has never been, but a has was once an are."
-Milton Berle

The Ventersdorp IT Dictionary...

2006-12-07T06:40:00.001+02:00

The Ventersdorp IT Dictionary...
(Please note, I may be a Venter, but at least I'm not from the Dorp)

Log On - Make the braai hotter
Log Off - The braai is too hot
Monitor - Keeping an eye on the braai
Download - Get the firewood off the bakkie
Hard drive - Trip back home without any cold beer
Floppy Disc - What you get lifting too much firewood at once
Keyboard - Where you hang the bakkie and bike keys
Window - What you shut when it's cold
Screen - What you shut in the mosquito season
Byte - What mosquitoes do
Bit - What mosquitoes did
Mega Byte - What mosquitoes at the lake do
Chip - A bar snack
Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips
Modem - What you did to the lawns
Dot Matrix - Old Jan Matrix's wife
Laptop - Where the cat sleeps S
oftware - Plastic knives and forks you get at KFC
Hardware - Real stainless steel knives and forks from Checkers
Mouse - What eats the grain in the shed
Mainframe - What holds the shed up
Web - What spiders make
Web Site - The shed or under the verandah
Cursor - The old bloke who swears a lot
Search Engine - What you do when the bakkie won't go
Yahoo - What you say when the bakkie does go
Upgrade - A steep hill
Server - The person at the pub that brings out the lunch
Mail Server - The bloke at the pub that brings out the lunch
User - The neighbour who keeps borrowing things
Network - When you have to repair your fishing net
Internet - Complicated fish net repair method
Netscape - When fish manoeuvres out of reach of net
Online - When you get the laundry hung out
Off Line - When the pegs don't hold the washing up.

Engeland verander my...

2006-12-03T22:13:00.000+02:00

Ek dink ek het baie verander hierdie jaar. Wel, mens kan seker nie verwag om in 'n ander land te woon tussen mense van verskillende kulture sonder dat mens verander nie, of hoe? Maar ek voel ek ken myself nie eers meer nie. Is bietjie nervous oor die GROOT TERUGKEER na SA. Gaan die mense sien ek het verander, of het ek miskien net in my eie oe verander? Wel, ek weet ten minste vir 'n feit dat een groot ding wat anders is, is my immer-groeiende perfeksionisme by die werk. Ek dryf myself al teen die mure uit! Maar dis seker nie 'n slegte ding om 'attention to detail' te gee nie, of hoe?

Ek het vanaand 'n Skotse gereg geeet wat ek nog nooit rerig van gehou het nie, EN DIT BAIE GENIET: smoked, cured Salmon with Oatcakes. Ek eet nie eers meer dieselfde nie en hou skielik van goed waarvan ek nooit gehou het nie... interessant! En my aksent het (hopelik) verander, alhoewel mens mos nie self kan seker wees nie, ander moet vir mens se. Dus sal ek maar sien wat die mense vir my se as ek terug is... is ek nogsteeds dieselfde Madeleine van altyd, of het ek baie verander?

Random Question Tag

2006-12-03T05:03:00.000+02:00

1) Take a book nearest you, go to page 18 and write the 4th line:
"that mind candy."

2) Without checking, what time is it?
3:00 am

3) Check: 3:05 am

4) What are you wearing?
Black work trousers (way too big these days), black t-shirt "Die Voortrekkers" and their logo on the front, and the words "Gaan groot of gaan dood" on the back, ACG Thermal jacket... (I got rid of the shoes, socks and work shirt as soon as I got home around 12:30)

5) Before answering this questionaire, what were you watching?
The second half of 8mm, an old Nicholas Cage movie... sitting in one of my housemate's room and drinking tea

6) What noise can you hear besides that of the computer?
The totally crazy wind howling around the corners of the house. When I walked home half the dustbins along the way has been blown over and contents spilled all over the place!

7) When you went out the last time,what did you do?
Went out socially or anything where you leave the house? Can't remember the last time I went out for fun, but the last time I left the house was to go to work three o'clock yesterday

8) Did you dream last night?
Yup, can't remember exactly what, but I know that it featured a lot of the people from my life back in SA, similar to all my dreams these days.

9) When was the last time you laughed?
Dunno, was definately not yesterday as it was one of the most stressful days I had in a long time and there was nothing worth laughing about.

10) What is on the walls in the roomwhere you are?
Pictures of SA and most of my friends, a few poems and quotes that I love, a cat calender and a small print of my favourite Jack Vettriano paintings: Dance me to the end of love

11) If you became a multi-millionaire over-night, what would be the first thing you’d buy?
A metallic blue Audi TT convertable

12) What is the last film you saw?
On TV: 8mm (earlier tonight), on DVD: Stander and in the cinema: The devil wears Prada

13) Did you see something strange today?
Oh yeah, most of the things and people at my work I find extremely strange!!!! ;-)

14) What do you think of this questionaire?
I like the odd questions not normally found in similar questionaires

15) Tell us something about yourself that we don’t already know?
hmmm now the question is what DON'T you know! Well, ok, let's see... Oh I know! I watched my second ever (and first voluntary) rugby game EVER last week Saturday and actually kinda enjoyed it (maybe because it was in an English pub, I was the only SA supporter and we were winning... haha)

16) What would be the first name of you child if it were a girl?
Well, I have more ideas for boy's names plus I'm not really keen on having kids, but I like the name Jessica

17) What would be the first name of you child if it were a boy?
Tristan, Gustav or Vincent... what a choice

18) Have you ever thought about living overseas?
Yes, and I've been doing it for more than a year now in the UK. Would love to live for a while in the Netherlands or Germany to top-up my knowledge of the languages which I can read, write and understand but not speak well enough!

19) What would you like God to say to you when you reach the heavenly gate?
"You used your time well!"

20) If you could change something in the world, outside of politics?
I would love to delete the general stupidity, carelessness and "kannie-worry houding" of humans

21) Do you like to dance?
LOVE it! Can dance for hours on end. Really missing it at the moment as there's no-one I've met in the UK who can dance like a boerseun ;-)

22) Georges Bush?
Who cares? I don't have the slightest interest in politics.

23) What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Yet again, I have to write 8mm

24) Name 4 people who also have to copy the questions and give answers?
I can't coz nobody ever bothers to read my blog except Adam and I got the idea from him!!!

Aksente

2006-11-30T02:03:00.000+02:00

Ek is mal oor verskillende aksente... Sommiges is natuurlik mooier as ander, en sommiges meer opvallend/uitkenbaar. Maar die feit bly staan dat ALMAL 'n aksent het, of dit nou weens tipografie is, of omdat jou moedertaal jou manier wat jy 'n ander taal praat en uitspreek beinvloed.

Maar nou kry mens ignorant mense soos die Britte. En ja, ek glo regtig hulle is nogal naive oor wat in die wereld aangaan... volgens hulle is hulle mos DIE nasie (Het ek nuus vir hulle... HA!)

Elkgeval, hulle dink 'n sterk aksent beteken noodwendig jy kan nie hulle taal ordentlik praat nie. Ek weet ek het 'n redelike sterk en obvious aksent (maar tog wel nie so erg soos sommige Afrikaners nie!!!!!). Meeste raai darem reg dat ek van Suid-Afrika af kom, maar sommige dink for some reason eks Pools (uhm, moenie vra nie, want ek weet wragtig nie hoor!!!). Nou ja, dan sal ek dit kry dat ek op 'n aand 'n tafel bedien en die hele aand lank heel lekker met die mense gesels in (my) Engels, wat redelik perfek is in vergelyking met hulle woord-misvorming (veral die Bristolians) en as ons dan op 'n stadium op die topic kom van waar ek vandaan kom ens, vra sommiges SOWAAR vir my of ek in Engeland is om Engels te leer! Ek vra jou met trane in my navy blue eyes!!!!! Daars 'n GROOT verskil tussen 'n aksent wat mens nie maklik in 'n jaar kan afskud nie, en incompetence in 'n taal. Nou ja... Ek blame my onnies wat my "Oxford English" geleer het... iets wat NOOIT in Engeland gepraat word nie. Seker iets soos Hoch Deutsch en die alledaagse Duitse spreektaal.

Maar ek moet tog se ek dink regtig my manier van praat het hierdie jaar verander. Die aksent is maar steeds daar, maar dis mos nie iets wat jy so erg in jou eie ore kan hoor nie, want vir jou is dit normaal. Ek HET ongelukkig 'n paar slegte Bristolian praatgewoontes aangeleer... Sug...

Maar darem klink ek nog SUID-AFRIKAANS, en maak nie saak wat enigiemand daarvan se nie, EK IS TROTS DAAROP, want dis 'n deel van wie EK is!

Psalm 23 in Afrikaans se twee 'sustertale'

2006-11-28T03:42:00.000+02:00

Kirchenbuch 23. Psalm

Der HERR ist mein Hirte,
Mir wird nichts mangeln,
Er weidet mich auf einer grünen Auen,
Und führet mich zum frischen Wasser.
Er erquicket meine Seele;
Er führet mich auf rechter Straße um seines Namens willen.
Und ob ich schon wandert im finstern Thal, furchte ich kein Unglück,
denn du bist bei mir;
Dein Stecken und Stab trösten mich.
Du bereitest vor mir einen Tisch gegen meine Feinde;
Du salbest mein Haupt mit Öl, und schenkest mir voll ein.
Gutes und Barmherzigkeit werden mir folgen mein Leben lang,
Und werde bleiben im Hause des HERRN immerbar.

De HERE is mijn herder Psalm 23

(1) Een psalm van David. De HERE is mijn herder, mij ontbreekt niets;
(2) Hij doet mij nederliggen in grazige weiden; Hij voert mij aan rustige wateren;
(3) Hij verkwikt mijn ziel. Hij leidt mij in de rechte sporen om zijns naams wil.
(4) Zelfs al ga ik door een dal van diepe duisternis, ik vrees geen kwaad, want Gij zijt bij mij; uw stok en uw staf, die vertroosten mij.
(5) Gij richt voor mij een dis aan voor de ogen van wie mij benauwen; Gij zalft mijn hoofd met olie, mijn beker vloeit over.
(6) Ja, heil en goedertierenheid zullen mij volgen al de dagen van mijn leven; ik zal in het huis des HEREN verblijven tot in lengte van dagen.

Nou verstaan ek...

2006-11-28T02:45:00.000+02:00

"Multiple exclamation marks are a sure sign of a diseased mind." - Terry Pratchett in Eric

En ek hou so daarvan om baie!!! uitroeptekens te gebruik vir effek!!!! Nou ja, dit verklaar (of bevestig) baie...

Die groot vraag...

2006-11-28T02:02:00.000+02:00

Ek worstel op die oomblik met 'n groot vraag... moet ek vir my vriende in SA se presies wanneer ek huis toe kom, of moet ek net opdaag en hulle dan onverwags bel of aan hulle deur klop??

;-)

Hehe...

2006-11-23T02:41:00.000+02:00

hmmm...

2006-11-16T02:43:00.000+02:00

Wens daar was meer mense wat nie (meer) geweet het wat dit is nie...

Afrika... nie vir sissies nie!

2006-11-16T01:50:00.000+02:00

Klaar gelees!

2006-11-13T01:15:00.000+02:00

Ek is trots om te se dat ek (uiteindelik) Trainspotting deur Irvine Welsh klaar gelees het. Was redelik maklik, nadat ek gewoond geraak het daaraan om weird en onverstaanbare woorde uit te figure en dit te verklaar binne die konteks. Let wel, dis nie 'n boek wat iemand wat bang is vir vloekwoorde moet lees nie. En dis redelik skokkend. Dus: 'n GOEIE boek, maar nie 'n MOOI boek nie. Regtig baie goed, volgens my.

Nou wil ek graag die fliek sien om te vergelyk...

Stoksielalleen op 'n Vrydagaand...

2006-11-11T01:12:00.000+02:00

Ek voel vanaand ongelooflik alleen en hartseer. Seker veral omdat ek sedert gister duiselig voel, en dit word nie beter nie. Baie depressing om jou twee 'heilige' af dae 'n week in die bed te moet spandeer, en selfs DAN draai die aarde nogsteeds. Ek klink seker soos 'n junkie op 'n trip, maar nee, toe nie. Geen redelike verklaring daarvoor nie. Net duiselig. Punt.

En seker die dat ek so alleen voel... "Ek wil my Ma heeeeeeeeee!", ja veral my ma, maar eintlik enige pel wat my 'n lekker drukkie kan gee en se moenie worry nie alles sal orraait wees. Die probleem is dat my beste pelle hier almal weg is uit die UK, of soos Daria, besig en onbereikbaar is. En hier sit ek alleen in my huis, in my kamer, met uncompassionate housemates en 'n vreeslike behoefte aan TLC en 'n cure vir my duiseligheid voor ek more 12 ure lank moet gaan werk.

Die lewe is nie fair nie.

"Onttrekkings simptome"...

2006-11-09T01:43:00.000+02:00

Ek is besig om onttrekkings simptome te ontwikkel... weens 'n gebrek aan goeie en ordentlike Suid-Afrikaanse DANS!!!!!!!!!! Nie die rond-ruk-spasma-aanval wat jongmense in clubs doen nie, maar ordentlik langarm: two-step, sokkie ens.....

Gelukkig gaan ek BAIE naby aan Presleys woon volgende jaar!!! :-)

En my groot mission vir volgende jaar is om te leer Tango. Moeilik, ek weet, maar iets wat ek nog altyd wou doen!!!

Ek is moeg vir....

2006-11-09T01:37:00.000+02:00

... sommige mense (van Suid-Afrika) wat aanmekaar en sonder ophou verwys na Engeland slegs as 'LONDON'. Ja, London is in Engeland, maar Engeland is nie gelyk aan London en London alleen nie! Aarde tog, is daar regtig mense wat so naive is? Ek het al in hoeveel briewe vir mense gese "dit gaan nog goed hier in Bristol" en dan skryf hulle terug en vra: "So, is dit nou al baie koud daar in London?"

Haha, mens kan seker maar net lag. Eks dan sommer lus om te se: Jy weet, laas toe ek in London was, was dit nog somer, maar ek kan regtig nie se hoe die weer nou daar is nie, maar dis nogal koud hier in Bristol waar ek eintlik woon, jou idioot!

SUG

Wat ek vandag geleer het...

2006-11-07T02:32:00.000+02:00

"Don't be irreplaceable, because if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted."

Sad but very true.

Ook geleer dat as jy baie goed is in jou werk, die Base dit nie meer so baie raaksien nie, en dus jou ook nie bedank nie, aangesien hulle dit 'verwag' van jou.

En iets wat ek nie nou geleer het nie, maar net 'n blerrie stupid ding wat maar net weer herbevestig is, is dat mense baie baie nervous raak as die Grootbase van 'n company kom 'kuier'. En dan word genoemde Grootbase (wat almal gewoonlik mislike en ongeskikte buffels is) beter behandel as enige paying customer ooit. Wat ek voel totaal en al stupid is. As ek eendag 'n company het, sal ek wil sien hoe my customers hanteer word deur hoe EK hanteer word! Maak dit sin?

En laastens het ek oor die afgelope vier jaar in die Catering business meer geleer hoe om goed NIE te doen nie, as hoe dit moet gedoen word ;-)

Goeie ou Suid-Afrika...

2006-11-06T02:29:00.000+02:00

Ek moet bieg dat ek eers (weer) begin Afrikaanse musiek luister het nadat ek uit die skool is en blootgestel is aan die Afrikaanse kultuur by Tuks. Ek het wel toe ek nog 'klein' was na Afrikaanse musiek geluister, maar later jare was dit mos nie meer 'cool' nie. Maar daar is 'n asemrowende oplewing in Afrikaanse musiek en baie wonderlike kunstenaars wat ons Taal en Kultuur aan die lewe hou. Noudat ek hier in Pommieland woon (vir amper 'n jaar al!!!), is ek absoluut verslaaf aan Afrikaanse musiek! Ek luister baie minder Engelse musiek nou as wat ek in SA het. Vreemd ne. Ek het selfs begin hou van mense soos ou Steve Hofmeyr en Dozi ens. En luister selfs met genot na daai 'commin' liedjies soos 'Meisie Meisie', 'Rooi rok bokkie' en 'Ek wil my baby he vanaand' (en ander liedjies van kunstenaars wat ek voorheen niks van gehou het nie, soos Nicholis Louw, Valiant Swart en ander). Alhoewel ek nog nie so laag sal daal soos 'Skarumba' nie, hoor!

Wys jou nou net mens moet partykeer duisende kilometers reis en lank uit jou land wees voor mens regtig die kultuur en die mense en al die wonderlike goed van jou Vaderland mis en waardeer!

... En as mens lank genoeg in Engeland woon (ek praat nou uit persoonlike ondervinding), lyk die probleme in SA maar alledaags en glad nie so erg nie, want daar is baie goed in Engeland wat maar net so sukkel en selfs MEER sukkel (glo dit of nie!). Hierdie rooinekke gee mens soms grys hare en maagswere...

Dus is my boodskap aan almal in SA wat so graag kla oor alles: DIS NIE SO ERG NIE, EN NIE VEEL SLEGTER AS IN HIERDIE 'VERONDERSTELDE' EERSTE WERELD LAND NIE!!!!!

British Humour...

2006-11-05T02:22:00.000+02:00

Chris Walker (VERY British assistant manager): "I'm going to the room where the nobs hang out."
Luticia (VERY Welsh supervisor): "Oh, so you're going to the back office?"
Chris: "Uhm, no...?"

(The back office being where you usually find most of the managers.... HAHA)

Oor katte en dit...

2006-11-05T02:21:00.000+02:00

“"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while?" Death thought about it "Cats," he said eventually, "Cats are Nice”.

- Terry Pratchett

SKOTLAND!!

2006-11-01T01:45:00.000+02:00

Kilts, Macs om elke hoek en draai, honderde Lochs, Scottish Terriers, Highland Coo's, Monsters (van die Loch tipe), doedelsakke (o, behoede my!), Whiskey... whiskey en NOG whiskey, berge, skapies, lou-warm bier van die bitter tipe (al noem hulle dit 'xtra cold'), shortbread, haggis (yuk!!), semi-onverstaanbare (maar baie mooi) aksente en reen...

Wat ek die naweek geleer het (1)

2006-11-01T01:38:00.000+02:00

1. Dis baie moeilik om Trainspotting deur Irvine Welsh te lees (maar ek SAL deurdruk!!) ... wonder nou net of die fliek beter is as die boek of nie?

2. Die Jehovah's Witnesses is BAIE weird, en alhoewel hulle glo hulle geloof is so great en hulle is soveel beter as ons (ten minste in die opsig dat hulle kastig 'n kans het om hemel toe te gaan en ons nie) is die meeste van die hordes wat die naweek in ons Hotel was, vrek ongeskik en ongemanierd en sommer net moeilik. En nou bring dit my by daai classic gesegde: As DIT is hoe hulle optree, wil ek nie soos hulle wees nie.

So is die lewe...

2006-10-28T01:41:00.000+02:00

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Dit is seker die mees belangrike ding om te onthou as mens in die catering business werk... alhoewel mens nie altyd kan se wat jy wil nie, want dan is jy net dalk minus 'n job. Vanaand dit weer goed ondervind met 'n klomp fussy en ongeskikte mense wat my lekker laat rondhol het. Ek begin al hoe meer glo in die volgende gesegde (ek weet ongelukkig nie wie dit gese het nie):

"Someone who is nice to you, but nasty to the waiter, is not a good person."

Mmm, laat mens nogal wonder ne?

A quote by a very special person that I miss a lot...

2006-10-19T00:47:00.000+02:00

Do you know anything about orchids? No? Then know this, red orchids are very rare. My neighbour gave me one; and it is wonderful.

Lawrence Edwin Jay
14 March 1944 - 2 October 2006

Much-loved and sadly missed breakfast chef at the Aztec Hotel for the last 15 years...

Terry's Wisdom...

2006-10-15T02:06:00.001+02:00

There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Terry Pratchett, The Truth

Ah... life...

2006-10-15T01:52:00.000+02:00

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
- Douglas Adams "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

I love you, hate you, love you, hate you...

2006-10-14T01:11:00.000+02:00

Everyone has brilliant times and baaaaaad times at work. Although I (manage to) enjoy my job most of the time (which I see as EXTREMELY important, otherwise, when you totally hate your job, you start hating your life, in a way... or at least wishing your life away...) But today was one of those days. Everything went wrong because of the stupidity of co-workers (really, nothing that happened was my fault!) but it still managed to reflect badly on me. SIGH...

Lysie van goed wat ek nog wil doen... eendag...

2006-10-12T00:54:00.000+02:00

Hier volg 'n lysie van die goed wat ek die graagste wil doen in die volgende x aantal jare. Ek weet nie of ek die tyd of die moed sal he om alles te doen nie, maar ek sal beslis probeer! (Adam, my lysie hou nie by 5 op nie, want ekt te veel goed... maar dankie vir die idee!!)

1. Valskerm spring en/of skydive

2. Ordentlik leer perdry

3. Die Otter Staproete in die Kaap stap

4. Diepsee duik

5. My eie restaurant begin

6. Die Bybel deurlees (Hmmm, het al 'n paar keer begin...)

7. Leer om te Tango

8. 'n Boek publiseer

9. 'n Ordentlike wynkursus doen

10. Die Lord of the Rings Triology deurlees (Het dit alreeds gekoop maar op die oomblik sit dit net op my rak en mooi lyk... haha)

11. Leer Saksefoon, viool en kitaar speel

12. In 'n lugballon ry

13. 'n Lang fietsry kompetisie doen, verkieslik die een wat in die karoo begin en in Knysna eindig

14. 'n Ragdoll kat koop

15. 'n Professionele fotografie kursus doen

(ok, daars nog, maar ek sal maar eers hierby volstaan)

En nou vra julle seker... WAAR kom die naam vandaan?

2006-10-10T01:19:00.000+02:00

Poppetjie Mabalel, of om meer spesifiek te wees: Die reisjare van Poppetjie Mabalel...

En dit die naam van iemand wat glad nie met 'dom blonde poppies' wil vergelyk word nie. Maar HIERDIE Poppetjie is darem iets heeltemal anders. Het al meer as 'n jaar terug begin, toe ek, Andries, Adam en Adam se Ma afgery het na KKNK 2005. Adam se ma het my begin Poppetjie noem, en ek is nie meer mooi seker nie, maar ek dink amper dis Andries wat met die Mabalel begin het... Die 'reisjare' deel kom van die titel van 'n boek wat bietjie aangepas is vir ons eie gebruik. Die 'reis' was natuurlik die avontuur na die KKNK...

Het baie spesiale memories van daardie vakansie!! En die naam het net eenvoudig ge'stick' in hierdie vriende-kringetjie.

En toe dog ek dis van pas vir die naam van my blog wat stukkies van my 'reis' deur die lewe uitbeeld... Soos ek gese het in die vorige post... Life is a rollercoaster... Dis die reisjare van Poppetjie Mabalel!

Life is a rollercoaster...

2006-10-10T01:08:00.000+02:00

... just gotta ride it. Hmmm, as dit maar net so maklik was! My emosies is deesdae soos 'n rollercoaster: op en af teen een moerse spoed. Begin vandag in 'n vrek goeie bui, en toe ek vanaand huis toe loop is ek sommer tranerig en ek weet nie eers mooi hoekom nie. En dis nie net geite nie. Nee.

Dink die grootste issue op die oomblik is hoe lank ek nog in Engeland kan bly. Ek is mal oor surprises, maar nie as dit met sulke groot goed te doen het nie. Ek wil 'n dag en datum he, nie so moet wonder of dit nog een maand of drie maande gaan wees nie. Vir een of ander rede is ek nog nie 'reg' om huis toe te gaan nie. Dit is seker omdat ek nou my 'peak' tyd hier by die Aztec Hotel het, en nie nou wil uit en weg nie. Ek is 'n baie belangrike stukkie in die puzzle deesdae, al moet ek dit self se.

Aan die ander kant verlang ek regtig baie na my mense, my kultuur, LEKKER kos en ORDENTLIK dans. Maar op 'n manier weet ek dit sal maar altyd daar wees wanneer ek ook al sal terug gaan, maar as Engeland verby is, dan is dit VERBY. Of ek nou wil of nie. En ek WIL NIE!

As ek kon bly, sou ek beslis 'n manager geword het, hoe hartseer is dit nie om DIT te moet dink nie. En dan voel dit ook asof ek die hotel in die steek gaan laat wanneer ek weggaan, alhoewel EK weet en HULLE weet ek moet gaan.

Dink daar gaan baie trane stort in die tydjie wat kom...

SUG...

'n Lysie van eerste sinne...

2006-10-07T00:51:00.000+02:00

Nog ‘n tagging game! Krap op jou boekrak rond en soek interessante begin sinne van boeke… ek hou hiervan!!

Hier is my resultate (alhoewel my bronne baie beperk is aangesien 99% van die boeke wat ek besit in SA is, en ek aan die ander kant van die aardbol sit…)

1. “The Morris dance is common to all inhabited worlds in the multiverse.”
Reaper Man – Terry Pratchett

2. “The story of how I paid for college begins like life itself – in a pool of water.”
How I Paid For College – Marc Acito

3. “It was the evening on which MM. Debienne and Poligny, the managers of the Opera, were giving a last gala performance to mark their retirement.”
The Phantom of the Opera – Gaston Leroux

4. Adult editors of children’s books
If you must follow the adventures of a public school conjuror, even though you are a) notionally a grown adult, and b) have probably been to university or at least to ‘big school’, why attempt to conceal the fact behind a different cover, as if fellow passengers will assume after a casual glance that you’re actually reading Thomas Mann in the original German?
Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Shit? The Encyclopedia of Modern Life – Steve Lowe & Alan McArthur

5. “Vyftien jaar lank het ek, Silas Miggel, in vrede op die platrand by Gouna gewoon.”
Moerbeibos – Dalene Matthee

6. Estragon (giving up again) Nothing to be done.
Waiting for Godot – Samuel Beckett

Poppetjie Mabalel... die uwe

2006-10-06T04:29:00.000+02:00

Tagging game...

2006-10-06T02:24:00.000+02:00

"I’ve stumbled upon a tagging-game – listing 20 random facts about yourself and then tagging a bunch of people to do the same."

1. Ek is die laatlammetjie en enigste dogter in ons gesin.

2. Ek is een van die grootste kat-liefhebbers wat ek ken.

3. Ek is verslaaf aan lees en is altyd besig met een of meer boeke, maak nie saak hoe besig my lewe is nie.

4. Ek is GLAD NIE 'n oggend mens nie, maar kan met gemak elke oggend vier uur gaan slaap.

5. Musiek is my lewe, ek het een van die wydste musieksmaake waarvan ek weet.

6. Ek is mal oor psychological thrillers, hoe weirder en meer complicated, hoe beter.

7. Ek is 'n totale "people's person".

8. Ek is 'n regte ou "softy" en gee soms te veel om vir mense en kry daarom baie keer seer.

9. My "indulgence" is sjokolade, veral Belgiese en Switzerse sjokolade.

10. Ek kan nog nie bestuur nie en dit pla my, maar my lewe was nog altyd te besig om tyd te vind vir leer.

11. Ek kan baie goed fietsry met 'los hande', en ek is nogal trots op die feit.

12. Ek hou meer van catering as wat ek ooit gedroom het ek sal, en wil dus 'n restaurant oopmaak eendag.

13. Ek is mal oor fotografie en neem oor die algemeen heeltemal te veel foto's.

14. Die kleur van my oe hang baie van my "mood" asook die kleur klere wat ek dra af, hulle wissel tussen groenerig/bruinerig/blouerig/gryserig met goue spikkels om die pupil.

15. Ek is 'n totale "romantic at heart", maar dis nie baie goed vir my nie.

16. Ek haat roetine.

17. Ek word al hoe meer perfeksionisties hoe ouer ek word.

18. Ek is verslaaf aan dans, dis nou "ordentlike" dans soos two-step ens. My rekord is omtrent 12 ure se non-stop dans.

19. Ek word omtrent altyd 4 jaar jonger geskat as wat ek werklik is, en haat dit as mense op jou neerkyk omdat jy volgens hulle nog "jonk en dom" is.

20. Ek hou nie van grimering en opdress nie en doen dit net met BAIE spesiale geleenthede.

Tickle's Inkblot test - Baie interessant, kliek op hierdie titel om dit ook te doen...

2006-10-04T02:47:00.000+02:00

Madeleine: Your unconscious mind is driven most by SELF-PROTECTION.

By having your unconscious mind driven most by Self-protection, it appears that you've developed a kind of shield to keep you from either experiencing or expressing strong emotions. This barrier might have formed due to some hurtful situation in your past, or perhaps it's simply your way of minimizing discord and pain. Because of this trait, you can typically keep your cool during arguments. As a result, you're not likely to say hurtful things that you'll have to apologize for later. Unlike many people, you're not normally one to fly off the handle. In fact, people with a heightened drive for self-protection often shy away from conflict and can become a bit numb toward others when forced into confrontational situations. As one with this unconscious drive, you might find that you tend to intellectualize emotional issues rather than becoming upset or overwrought. This can be a way of distancing yourself from painful feelings.Self-protection is a coping technique that can be helpful to you at times when you're forced to deal with distressing incidents like arguments, breakups, or loss. However, by not fully expressing your emotions in sad times, you might forget to express them in happy ones. People who become emotionally shutdown risk missing out on life's upside. In tough times, try to remember that you're likely stronger and more resilient than you give yourself credit for. By being willing to fully engage in the good and bad of life, you can give each day more depth, meaning, and color.

Your responses to the inkblots reveal more than just what drives your unconscious mind. They also uncover some central details about your personality, perspective, and relationships with others. Your unconscious mind colors these characteristics but is different from them. Here's what your responses indicated:

Your concept of reality

Your concept of reality is highly similar to that of others but not an exact match. Your perceptions seem to fall in between those who create their own unique realities and those who possess more mainstream perspectives. Because you straddle that middle ground of being in agreement with others and having your own opinions of the world, you can be both a follower and a leader. You can be a follower in the sense that you probably don't have trouble going along with the group most times since others' ideas will usually seem rational to you. You can be a leader because your creative viewpoints may sometimes allow you to guide others in new directions.
The difficulty for people like you is that at times you may feel pulled between taking the popular viewpoint and accepting your own vision of what is right. Because your concept of reality is rarely off the deep end, you can generally feel confident that there's something valid in your perspectives. Even if others don't always share your views, try not to let the masses talk you out of them. There can sometimes be great value in forging your own path. Finding a healthy balance between others' ideas and your own can be key to both your relationships and success.

Your mental flexibility

This section looks as the flexibility of your opinions, values, and perspective. To determine your result, Tickle's experts examined both the fluidity of your thinking and the rigidity of your opinions.
Based on your responses, compared to most people, your thinking is highly flexible. When someone challenges your values or opinions, you're one of those rare types who are usually willing to sit back and listen. People like you tend to enjoy this kind of intellectual sparring and may even welcome the opportunity to examine and reexamine your views. Those around you probably appreciate this willingness to consider others' ideas, rather than always thinking your perspective is the right one and trying to convince everyone else of the same. Being open to fresh viewpoints is an admirable quality.
In addition, flexibility can be paramount to fast learning. This is true because unless you're able to question what you already believe, it's difficult to believe in something new. By being open-minded, you're more likely to make your life into a kind of schoolroom for constant learning. People who don't have this skill can become stuck in the rut of their viewpoints and may fail to grow and develop as well as you can.

You Level of Fantasy

Some people fantasize nearly nonstop, others rarely do, and the majority of people fall somewhere in between. Imagination and the ability to create alternate realities are the two factors that determine whether or not a person is capable of having a highly colorful fantasy life. However, not everyone who can fantasize does. For example, if two strangers who were both capable of fantasizing were sitting next to one another on a bus, one might still spend the whole ride thinking about paying their bills and formulating their next to-do list, while the other could be envisioning taking a siesta on a tropical island. For Tickle's Inblot Test, having a high level of fantasy involves both having the mental tools necessary to fantasize and putting them to use.Being prone to fantasy can be thought of as a spectacular gift. Fantasy can give one the ability to create a made-up world much more captivating and pleasurable than the usual day-to-day realities. This can be a wonderful asset as you go though life - a free form of entertainment that you can use any time.
Some people look at those who are fantasy prone in a derogatory way. They feel that the more realistically a person thinks, the saner they are. Indeed, most definitions of "abnormal" refer to what is "unusual" or "not frequent". Clinical experts sometimes look at fantasy as a means of trying to escape reality, rather that face what's there.
Regardless of how one feels about fantasy, its value is heavily dependent on how it's used. If you use fantasy to visualize improvements in your life without ignoring important realities, then fantasy can be a useful talent. It can help you maintain your optimism and even to devise novel solutions to your problems. However, if fantasy is something you retreat into as a way of denying reality, then you might want to reconsider your use of it.
Tickle's experts found that you are certainly capable of fantasizing and may even enjoy keeping yourself entertained that way. However, based on your responses, your first reaction to stress probably isn't to create an alternate universe or to imagine things differently than they actually are. In fact, you appear to have the nice balance of having the gift of fantasy at your disposal without having the tendency to overly rely on it. In other words, when it comes to fantasy, you typically use it, but don't abuse it. Fantasy is a technique frequently employed by people living under harsh conditions in order to ease their stress. In this way, imagination can be a vital tool for prison inmates who live in depressing, restrictive conditions day in and day out. Using the power of fantasy can also be a profound relief for people living in poverty and in war zones. In fact, there are many people who live in adverse situations or deal with other painful circumstances that could benefit from occasional relief through fantasy.Fantasy only becomes a problem when you ignore something you need to deal with because you have the ability to fantasize it away.
For example, imagine you have a problem with an aunt of yours. Perhaps this aunt says something that upsets you almost every time you talk with her. As a result, after a while you stop listening to her in favor of pretending that you're someplace else entirely. The fantasy you create for yourself might be more exciting - and far less annoying, but it doesn't change this detrimental pattern between you and your aunt. A better response might be to put your fantasies aside for a while to address your aunt's poor communication style head-on.At it's worst, fantasy can keep you from making important lifestyle choices.
For instance, if you fantasize that you have boundless energy and are a wonderful athlete, and in the meantime sit on your couch eating potato chips and playing video games, there will eventually come a time where you won't be able to deny what is really happening to your body and you will have to tend to the reality of your deteriorating health. However, there's no reason that you have to let fantasy affect you in these negative ways. So long as you pay attention to the aspects of your life that need addressing, like your health or your career, you should be able to use fantasy and creative visualizations to bolster your happiness and success, not impede them.

How you relate to others

Your relationships are complex things. One important aspect affecting all of them is the role that you play when interacting with others. Do you typically take an active approach when dealing with the people around you, or do you tend to behave more passively? According to your test responses, you appear to have a balanced approach to interacting. You're not consistently the one who is active or passive. This mixed pattern indicates that, relative to other people, you try to either be sensitive to the needs of a particular situation or the people with whom you're dealing. By being able to adjust your approach depending on how the others are behaving, you can handle most situations with ease. Your friends may see you as a great listener or a savvy communicator because of your gift for reading people.
The overall effect of this balanced approach is that you have more options available to you when it comes to your communication style. The possible downside to this fact is that certain individuals with a balanced approach can get confused about which approach feels most natural to them — not just to the situation. While flexibility is a good thing, if you behave solely according to what's going on around you, it can wear on your sense of self.
Another difficulty you may find yourself running up against is that your balanced style may seem like inconsistency to other people. For example, if one day you take the lead in a group and the next day you choose to follow, this transition can be unsettling to those around you. Also when you're dealing with someone who is also balanced in their approach, your relationship can become an elaborate dance where each of you is trying to figure out who's taking charge. If you find yourself in a situation like this one, consider making your style more consistent — whether active or passive — in order to avoid potential confusion.

Elsewhere...

2006-10-04T01:13:00.000+02:00

Elsewhere - Sarah McLachlan

I love the time and in between
the calm inside me
in the space where I can breathe
I believe there is a
distance I have wandered
to touch upon the years of
reaching out and reaching in
holding out holding in
I believe
this is heaven to no one else but me
and I'll defend it as long as I can be
left here to linger in silence
if I choose to
would you try to understand
I know this love is passing time
passing through like liquid
I am drunk in my desire...
but I love the way you smile at me
I love the way your hands reach out and hold me near...
I believe...
I believe
this is heaven to no one else but me
and I'll defend it long as
I can be left here to linger in silence
if I choose to
would you try to understand
Oh the quiet child awaits the day when she can break free
the mold that clings like desperation
Mother can't you see I've got
to live my life the way I feel is right for me
might not be right for you but it's right for me...
I believe...
I believe
this is heaven to no one else but me
and I'll defend it as long as
I can be left here to linger in silence
if I choose to
would you try to understand it
I would like to linger here in silence
if I choose to
would you understand it
would you try to understand...

Life is life

2006-09-30T02:00:00.000+02:00

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.

Friedrich Nietzsche
German philosopher (1844 - 1900)

Something to ponder about...

2006-08-27T04:11:00.000+02:00

"It's just that I'm happy now, and I guess that's how we judge a place, isn't it? Not for what it is, but for what we are when we live there."

Quote from Sarah's Window by Janice Graham

Gedink dis baie interessant... Op 'n manier van toepassing op my lewe hier in Engeland... Aan die een kant is ek so gelukkig hier, maar aan die ander kant mis ek my lewe in Suid-Afrika ongelooflik baie. Dis moeilik om so 'n soort van 'dubbel lewe' te lei... Twee huise, twee stelle vriende in twee verskillende lande. As jy aan die een kant van die aarde is, mis jy DIE wat jy aan die ander kant agtergelaat het. En dan is daar natuurlik die feit dat ek vir myself soos 'n vreemdeling voel deesdae. Die vraag is, het ek so baie verander (d.w.s. sal die mense wat my lankal ken my ook anders ervaar) of het ek net in my eie oë verander? Of was ek nog altyd soos ek nou is, maar ek het anders gedink oor myself en die lewe? En het ek verander OMDAT ek in Engeland is, of sou ek inelkgeval ook so gevoel het as ek steeds in SA was?

Ek dink ek dink te veel deesdae...

Oor blou oë...

2006-08-26T04:45:00.000+02:00

The sky is the colour of your eyes
when your soul is lost
and you hide your sorrows
in the corners of your lonely smile...

- M.V. April 2004

Dis hoe die mal kietsie deesdae lyk...

2006-08-26T04:40:00.000+02:00

Die begin

2006-08-25T15:00:00.000+02:00

"A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving." -Lao Tzu