Hate Me - Blue October

I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

I'm sober now for 3 whole months
It's one accomplishment that you helped me with.
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate.
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

Waiting...

Toe ek nie meer raad geweet het... - Elisabeth Eybers

Toe ek nie meer raad geweet het met my hart

wat bang-alleen tussen mense gaan,

en tot die aand die bly herinnering dra

wanneer ek één ontmoet het wat verstaan,

toe was jou warm stem en oë soos dié

waarvan ‘n mens somtyds mag droom… en ek

het willoos-kalm jou laat begaan, toe jy

die digte sluier van my siel wegtrek.

Jy het, sonder jammerklag of walging, daar

verminkte lyke van vertroue en hoop

gevind, en oor die ope wonde toe

die olie van jou liefde sag laat loop…

What I need... (updated version)

What I need...

I need a massage
I need a holiday
I need an interesting job
I need to finish my studies soon
I need to meet the endless deadlines
I need money
I need a one-way ticket to London or anywhere else in the world
I need a social life
I need energy
I need to know there are people who really care about me
I need to know the meaning of all this mindless boredom in my life
I need to get my appetite back
I need to drink less coffee
I need to quit some bad habits
I need to get a grip on my life
I need to think about next year
I need more sleep

I just need to get away...

Seems like nothing much has changed since March 2006...

Your Ghost

Your Ghost – Kristin Hersh

If I walk down this hallway 

Tonight it's too quiet 

So I pad through the dark 

And call you on the phone 

Push your old numbers 

And let your house ring 

'Till I wake your ghost 

Let him walk down your hallway 

It's not this quiet 

Slide down your receiver 

Sprint across the wire 

Follow my number 

Slide into my hand 

It's the blaze across my nightgown 

It's the phone's ring 

I think last night 

you were driving circles around me 

I can't drink this coffee 

Till I put you in my closet 

Let him shoot me down 

Let him call me off 

I take it from his whisper

You're not that tough 

It's the blaze across my nightgown 

It's the phone's ring 

You were in my dream (I think last night) 

You were driving circles around me

Hand in my pocket - Alanis Morissette

I’m broke but I’m happy

I’m poor but I’m kind

I’m short but I’m healthy, yeah

I’m high but grounded

I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed

I’m lost but I’m hopeful, baby

And what it all comes down to

Is that everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine

Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket

And the other one’s giving a high five

I feel drunk but I’m sober

I’m young and I’m underpaid

I’m tired but I’m working, yeah

I care but I’m restless

I’m here but I’m really gone

I’m wrong and I’m sorry, baby

And what it all comes down to

Is that everything’s gonna be quite all right

Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket

And the other one’s flicking a cigarette

And what it all comes down to

Is that I haven’t gotten it all figured out just yet

Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket

And the other one’s giving a peace sign

I’m free but I’m focused

I’m green but I’m wise

I’m hard but I’m friendly, baby

I’m sad but I’m laughing

I’m brave but I’m chicken shit

I’m sick but I’m pretty, baby

And what it all boils down to

Is that no one’s gonna figure it out just yet

Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket

And the other one’s playing a piano

And what it all comes down to

Is that everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine

Coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket

And the other one’s hailing a taxi cab

Some random philosophical thoughts I've been having

Life is an endless deja vu feeling (sometimes it is a good feeling, and sometimes bad).

Don't deny yourself the opportunity to love and be loved, just because of some bad experiences that cloud your past, or because of possible bad experiences in future.

There are different kinds of relationships and different kinds of love. It all depends on the situation and the people involved. But having someone you care about in your life in a limited way, is far better than not having them in your life at all.

Understand that you cannot begin to make someone else happy, or expect someone to make YOU happy, it you don't want to be happy yourself.

Everyone deserves TRUE happiness, it is not something that is only destined for some people. People just sometimes let the happiness meant for them, pass them by.

There is an endless difference between truly living, and merely "existing".

You have to take control of your life, and decide what makes YOU happy. Remember that even though other people are really important to you, there should be no reason to neglect your own needs.