I'm back in the UK for a (according to me) well-deserved holiday. Spent two wonderful days in London doing a lot of things I always wanted to, but never got around to doing, like "flying" the London Eye, taking pictures of it by night, walking in Hyde Park and shopping (too much!) in Oxford Street. Tomorrow I'm going to Bristol by coach, to spend two more wonderful week with all my friends there. Hopefully will also have time to go to a few other places like Cardiff, etc....
I AM HAVING A WHALE OF A TIME!!!!!!!!!
Friday, March 30, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
What I need...
What I need...
I need a massage
I need a holiday
I need an interesting job
I need studies that are worthwhile
I need to meet the endless deadlines
I need money
I need ticket to London
I need a social life
I need energy
I need to know there are people who really care about me
I need to know the meaning of all this mindless boredom in my life
I need to get my appetite back
I need to drink less coffee
I need to quit some bad habits
I need to get a grip on my life
I need to think about next year
I need more sleep
I just need to get away....
I need a massage
I need a holiday
I need an interesting job
I need studies that are worthwhile
I need to meet the endless deadlines
I need money
I need ticket to London
I need a social life
I need energy
I need to know there are people who really care about me
I need to know the meaning of all this mindless boredom in my life
I need to get my appetite back
I need to drink less coffee
I need to quit some bad habits
I need to get a grip on my life
I need to think about next year
I need more sleep
I just need to get away....
Why I was so quiet...
Well, here I am 'back home', although it doesn't feel so normal anymore! Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of reasons why I'm glad to be back in SA, the biggest one being, having the privilege to share a house with my two best friends here, Adam and Andries. But apart from that, I really can't say that life is really grand at the moment. I miss England and my friends there terribly. I miss the freedom and total independence. I miss my job that I loved regardless of the amount of stress it caused. I even miss the bloody misirable british weather!!!!
The fact of the matter is that I, like expected, changed a lot while living in a different country, and on this side all my friends went through different situations. Before I left I was able to have a 21st birthday party with 50 friends that I considered to be more than just acquaintances. Now all but a few has moved away, or finished their studies, or got a full-time job somewhere, or started with different studies... and I'm left feeling very alone. All of my so-called friends where so keen on my return, and now that I'm here I barely see anyone except my housemates! And I need people. Lots of people. I am a social butterfly... with broken wings. To top it all, some of the friends I considered being my best friends, found the love of their lives during my year abroad, and consequently only have time for their boyfriends. And I am, regrettably, single. And I can't imagine where I will meet a nice guy in the near future...
I am currently studying post-grad at the Uni, sitting in a class with about fifteen people or less twice a week. I know about 3 people from my undergraduate studies, but nobody that I would ever consider a good friend. The rest of the people are adults doing a part-time course, or students younger than me who got their degree last year. Therefore, my studies are boring me to death at the moment. Two subjects with irregular assignments are not much of a challenge. And me being the way I am, I'm already losing interest and becoming oh so bored. My days I spend doing the most boring job my mind can get around: a PA at an engineering firm. A proper office job. Regular hours, and regular pay (the regular and quite good pay IS nice, but not enough t contemplate for the fact that my brain is slowly but surely dying of total boredom and misuse). I am not, and never where, made to work in an office. Getting up at 6:30 every morning and doing the same mundane work for 8 long hours each day, and returning home feeling like an easter egg: hollow. Not having the energy to do anything other than fall down on the couch and watch crap on tv until dinnertime, reading a bit and then falling asleep, only to do the same thing again tomorrow. I know some people love routine and such things, good for them, but I am not one of those people. And I can't follow my mother's advice: 'just think aboutthe money'. Because, frankly, I couldn't bother about the money. Yes, I know I need money, and lots of it, to survive, but I find that money simply cannot turn into an issue in my life. Money, even good money, can't take the fact that my heart and soul is so terribly unhappy away.
I also know all about 'mind over matter' and not letting a situation getting you down, and I always managed to do it throughout the years I've been working in the catering business, but that is only because I actually LIKED what I was doing, even though it got really stressful and frustrating sometimes. But this time I'm unable to see the silver lining. I only see a small little twinkle now and again, but that is barely enough to get me out of bed each morning.
It boils down to this: my life is not at all what I wanted it to be this year, and about twenty times worse than I feared it would be. I am bored out of my mind. Unmotivated, depressed and lonely... and I desperately want to return to England....
The fact of the matter is that I, like expected, changed a lot while living in a different country, and on this side all my friends went through different situations. Before I left I was able to have a 21st birthday party with 50 friends that I considered to be more than just acquaintances. Now all but a few has moved away, or finished their studies, or got a full-time job somewhere, or started with different studies... and I'm left feeling very alone. All of my so-called friends where so keen on my return, and now that I'm here I barely see anyone except my housemates! And I need people. Lots of people. I am a social butterfly... with broken wings. To top it all, some of the friends I considered being my best friends, found the love of their lives during my year abroad, and consequently only have time for their boyfriends. And I am, regrettably, single. And I can't imagine where I will meet a nice guy in the near future...
I am currently studying post-grad at the Uni, sitting in a class with about fifteen people or less twice a week. I know about 3 people from my undergraduate studies, but nobody that I would ever consider a good friend. The rest of the people are adults doing a part-time course, or students younger than me who got their degree last year. Therefore, my studies are boring me to death at the moment. Two subjects with irregular assignments are not much of a challenge. And me being the way I am, I'm already losing interest and becoming oh so bored. My days I spend doing the most boring job my mind can get around: a PA at an engineering firm. A proper office job. Regular hours, and regular pay (the regular and quite good pay IS nice, but not enough t contemplate for the fact that my brain is slowly but surely dying of total boredom and misuse). I am not, and never where, made to work in an office. Getting up at 6:30 every morning and doing the same mundane work for 8 long hours each day, and returning home feeling like an easter egg: hollow. Not having the energy to do anything other than fall down on the couch and watch crap on tv until dinnertime, reading a bit and then falling asleep, only to do the same thing again tomorrow. I know some people love routine and such things, good for them, but I am not one of those people. And I can't follow my mother's advice: 'just think aboutthe money'. Because, frankly, I couldn't bother about the money. Yes, I know I need money, and lots of it, to survive, but I find that money simply cannot turn into an issue in my life. Money, even good money, can't take the fact that my heart and soul is so terribly unhappy away.
I also know all about 'mind over matter' and not letting a situation getting you down, and I always managed to do it throughout the years I've been working in the catering business, but that is only because I actually LIKED what I was doing, even though it got really stressful and frustrating sometimes. But this time I'm unable to see the silver lining. I only see a small little twinkle now and again, but that is barely enough to get me out of bed each morning.
It boils down to this: my life is not at all what I wanted it to be this year, and about twenty times worse than I feared it would be. I am bored out of my mind. Unmotivated, depressed and lonely... and I desperately want to return to England....
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